Million Dollar Mermaids

Yesterday, as I was leaving my house to walk up the street to work, I noticed a thin figure, topped with a Ronald McDonald mop, loping up the hill.

It turned out to be an old lady with arthritic knees, inked-on eyebrows, and polyester slacks. I passed her just as we were crossing a side street. She said something to me, and I unhooked myself from my iPod to hear what she was saying. This little old lady asked me, no joke, to help her across the street.

I was never a boy scout, but who would really refuse to help an old lady cross the street?

She told me she was an actress, and when she was my age, she was already a movie star. What movies? Lots of them, Million Dollar Mermaid. What studios? All of them, MGM, Fox. She normally pays people to to help her like I helped her. Aren't I nice? She may be a lot of things, but at least she's not poor. She was going to see her husband up the hill at his office. She hoped he would still be there. Stage name? Carol Brewster. Real name? She doesn't tell anyone. She gripped my arm firmly. (Old peoples' hands make me think of rice paper and knobby oak branches.)

I took her up the hill, and we even crossed Sunset Boulevard. I looked up her name in IMDB. Carol Brewster, née Miriam Hechler was never in Million Dollar Mermaid. She played bit parts in B movies. Quelle Hollywood! Even the old-timers over-hype themselves.